


Everything You Wish You Had

by Actually_Ichimatsu



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: (Pretty much), Abuse, Canon Compliant, Evan's broken arm, Gen, Jared Plays Overwatch, Lowercase, M/M, No Dialogue, Panic Attacks, Past Suicide Attempt, Past Verbal Abuse, Pre-Canon, Suicidal Thoughts, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms, Wishing, intentional lower case
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-23
Updated: 2017-07-23
Packaged: 2018-12-05 18:02:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,431
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11583345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Actually_Ichimatsu/pseuds/Actually_Ichimatsu
Summary: they say if you wish something at 11:11pm, the wish will come true. nighttime, synonymous with the hour, is a time of dark thoughts, and heat doesn't exactly help it.





	Everything You Wish You Had

**Author's Note:**

> hope you read the tags;;; stay safe ™
> 
> im tired, ill edit more in the morning

evan looked down at his phone. 11:08. It was a summer night, and the ac was out. the heat made it impossible to sleep. he would, maybe, text someone, if anyone even cared.

evan broke his arm less than a week ago. it ached still, as well. that might also be a reason he's still up.

another reason he might still be up is why his arm was broken.

he fell. he didnt- he fell. he fell. _he fell_. he lost balance, he lost his grip on the next branch, _he fell_.

(he let go.)

evan idealized a world where he just simply never existed. nothing would even change if he wasn't here, right? he made no big impact, he never even made a sound. he was alone in a cave of isolation.

it was more like outer space.

its so desolate. so lonely. he didnt know what would come next. he was alone with things that had long since died.

most importantly, no one heard him scream. he felt like he was suffocating. he screamed so loud, but the oxygen was running low, he was so, so alone-

it was 11:11.

evan wished he wasn't so alone, and that he could actually matter. that if he dissappeared, an impact would've been made.

.____.

alana was up late, doing summer reading. working on anything that could distract her attention from... from.

(from the truth that if she stopped, she might never start again. from the truth she was useless.)

it was so late, alana looked at the clock on her laptop. it was 11:10.

she knew that people were supposed to wish at 11:11, that if they did, their wish would come true.

she leaned back, moving her attention away from her work, biting her lip. any minute now, her thoughts would start over taking any reasonable thoughts. she grabbed her medicine to help her sleep.

she climbed into her bed, to see it was 11:11.

she wished she didn't have to shove herself into work to avoid her thoughts. she wished she had friends to talk about everything to. she wished she knew how to talk to people without annoying them. above all, she wished she wasn't so alone. that people didn't just take her for the class shoo-in valedictorian, and people wouldn't hate her just for that.

._____.

jared's eyes burned. he spent the entire day on his computer, playing overwatch before his camp came, and he couldn't play it anymore.

he knew evan broke his arm. he cared, even.

he cared a lot about evan. more than he could actually express. more than he can admit.

he loved evan. he would never admit that, though. jared just shoved evan away and showed him disinterest and hatred when he'd much rather do the opposite.

jared just doesn't want to be hurt. he knows evan's straight. if he cut himself off from evan, then he wouldn't have to feel the pain of rejection.

jared knew even if evan was gay, evan wouldn't like him. jared was gross, jared was a useless nerd who liked videogames and hacking. jared wasn't good for much, and it certainly wasn't going outside and climbing trees. jared had a grass allergy and a fear of heights. evan could lay in a field for years, and only get sunburn from it, and broke his arm from falling from a tree. jared loved cryptids and shittily made horror movies. evan hated anything supernatural, especially horror movies.

they were polar opposites. jared wasn't good for anything, whereas evan could go anywhere if he wanted.

jared hated himself for not being able to change for the one person he liked in his life. so he just pushed that one person away to...

he didn't even know why he did it, besides the fact he was completely and utterly in love with evan hansen. jared would say he loved evan more than jared did himself, but jared actually hated himself, all personas aside. so it wouldn't matter much.

evan was the only person he had. no one else would notice if he was around.

jared was shaken out of his trance when his alarm went off. he had an alarm set for 11:11pm every night, so he could get off the internet before his parents shut it off, and to make some wish. he really believed in this stuff, even if he knew, deep down, it wouldn't change a damn thing.

jared wished he would be loved back by evan, however selfish he knew it was. he wished he actually had camp friends. he wished the people he knew from camp actually cared if he died or not, and not just include him out of pity. he wished he didn't feel so alone.

._____.

zoe sighed as she locked the door to her room, her brother yelling outside, at their parents.

she slid down the wall, as the tears also slid down her face.

dinner had gone wrong, as it always does. screaming fits, where she would stoically do nothing as her father sent snide remarks and connor would blow up.

their father could be a bully. but connor was a bad person, so was it really a bully if they were bad mouthing when an assholes on the receiving end? an asshole who doesn't know when to shut up? a jerk that threatened to kill her? zoe wished connor would just... not. she wished connor could just be normal. could just do what their parents told them to do, then he could do what he wanted when he was out of there.

but connor couldn't do that. connor was a jerk, asshole, _freak_.

she wished she could go to someone about this. she couldn't go to the cops because, why would they care? they'd sentence him to more time in a psych ward, then come back, be better for like a day, then everything would fall back into a routine. she had no friends who would talk to her about this stuff. she wanted someone who she felt like she could talk about this to.

regardless, she hoped things could go back to the way they were. where they were happy, when connor was okay.

when everything was okay.

it was 11:09, according to her phone when the screaming finally stopped, when the door slammed and she could faintly hear sobbing.

she didn't know if it was connor, or her mom.

the clock turned 11:11.

she wished things would go back to the way they were, when they were younger. she wished connor was okay. she wished she had people to talk about this type of shit to. she wished she wasn't so alone in this situation.

.____.

connor had been screaming for the longest time, at larry murphy, who gave no reaction. he couldn't even remember what he said. he couldn't breath, his throat hurt. he ran into his room and slammed the door and locked it.

he put his face into a pillow, and cried. it might've been audible, but he couldn't care less. his hands scratched ravenously at his arms and stomach. it stung like a bitch, but it helped him ground himself and stop having a tantrum.

he knows he's a freak. he doesn't know how to fix himself. he knows he's a horrible person. he knows he can't do anything right. he knows he should just die. he knows that everyone would be happier if he just died.

he regretted everything he did. he loved zoe. yet, he'd curse and scream at her. he did have some reason, but not one that validates telling her that he was going to tell her. he was an awful brother.

he looked outside at 11:11, unknowing.

he just wished he was dead. he wished he didn't bring such suffering to everyone.

._____.

evan began to think. he thought, maybe someone, somewhere, was wishing on the time as well. the same thing he was wishing, that he wasn't alone. then, technically, was he really alone?

the clock turned 11:12.

no need for technicalities. there was no one in the world as lonely as him, he was sure of it.

he was just pathetic, and alone. evan knew this.

evan leaned back, and shut his eyes. he kept his feet under the blanket, out of the fear some supernatural being will attack him, but most of him was uncovered to make sure he didn't over heat too horribly.

evan didn't sleep too well.

the summer heat was too much.

 


End file.
